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Click to talk to a trained teen volunteer. Getting rejected can be hard. It can make you sad, hurt, surprised, or angry. In general, getting rejected rarely feels good.

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R ejection hurts. Research confirms it, finding that when people get rejected, they often feel jealous, lonely and anxious. Getting rejected can build resilience and help you grow and apply the lessons you learn to future setbacks, Winch tells TIME.

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Of course, to reap the benefits, you have to deal with rejection in the right way. When it comes to careers, the pressure to get into the best school or land the perfect job is high.

Too too often, people look to external forces instead of internal ones to feel validated, says Beverly Flaxington, a life and career coach. That means that rejection when it comes to your dream opportunity can be shattering. If you have a setback, try to remember that your career path is not a straight line and not every experience is going to move you forward.

If not, it may be time to look for other opportunities, she suggests. We tend to only remember the good times.

1. understand why rejection hurts so much.

Try this. In looking for other potential partners, try asking questions about the values that are truly vital to you. This can help you form a closer connection, increasing the likelihood of a lasting partnership, she notes.

Friendship breakups are oftentimes more hurtful than romantic ones. Just as you would with a romantic relationship, flip the narrative, says Winch. Consider it your opportunity to ask yourself if this is the type of person you want to be friends with.

He says if the answer is no, it makes the pain hurt a little less and helps you seek out friends who are much more compatible with you. After some time has passed and if you find yourself missing that person and that friendship, Flaxington suggests reaching out to see if the person wants to get together. Timing is key here.

Time can allow people to approach a friendship with a new perspective, she notes. You may want to also consider redirecting your attention to the friendships worth keeping.

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But both Flaxington and Winch agree there are exceptions to this rule. For example, when married couples divorce, children can sometimes side with one parent and alienate another, Winch says. And when family members reject each other, it can be excruciatingly painful.

Research finds social media can negatively impact our self-esteem and damage our well-being. Not collecting a lot of likes on a post, not getting followed back, or not having a mass following or seeing your friends at a party, event, or anywhere having fun without you can feel like a rejection and leave you feeling like an inadequate outsider, says Flaxington.

2. take a step backand practice some self-care.

But there are ways to use social media in a way that makes you feel included and connected to others. Following people online and surrounding yourself with those in real life who make you feel like you belong can also help you feel secure and included and more connected. Most importantly, when you find yourself feeling left out or feeling jealous over a social media post, be mindful of the way you talk to yourself.

Remind yourself of all of the positive things and people in your life or what you have to be grateful for, says Flaxington.

at letters time. By Audrey Noble.

How to deal with rejection

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4 simple tips for getting over rejection & using it to your advantage

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