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It was my wedding night; the first time I would be intimate with a man. My head was a blur of images, of dreams and desires from the many conversations with my close friends and the pornographic videos I had watched. I entered the room, holding a customary glass of milk, keeping my face down.

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Listen Now - Marriage Builders Radio. Print Thread. I'm posting this here because I think the root of the problem stems from an emotional issue. Not sex. I've been with my wife for six years. Married for one. We each have from a marriage and have a 1 year old together. She's been home with that child for the year or so and tells me she's feeling caged. She's I'm I can see how she needs to get outside of the house for some non-crying baby time for herself to be her.

I get that. Recently, she has been persued by a man 35 at one of our local night spots.

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She wasn't out looking for trouble. It kinda found her. She regected it for some time over several nights or months. She's very good at telling guys she's married.

And that's why I trust her. I've never doubted her. She was out four nights last week. She says he's the only man that she's ever been attraced to in the past seven years in a lustful way to want to sleep with. Generally, the guys are kinda creepy at clubs.

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She kissed him last Tuesday and then asked me for one get out of jail free card to sleep with him while explaining she loves me and wants to be with me when I'm old and gray. That's cool. Nice to have the reassurance. But it's also hard to hear the first part for the first time. It was a shocker at first. But I'm getting used the idea now.

I've had mixed emotions throughout the past week about how to react. And I think I've experience the entire range of emotions. Rage, anger, jealously. Loss, etc. Then once I came down from all that, I began to look at this differently. She also pronounced that monogomy isn't natural and I'd have permission to sleep with somebody if I wanted with us both agreeing on a set of rules. Yet she doesn't want to be swingers or even be considered in an open marriage because she's not sure she's planning on doing it again. Just now. Just once to feel alive, etc. To feel young perhaps.

It's just something she needs to do! The sex with a stranger has to be some deep-rooted need that's going unmet. Or it's just a release Too many to count. Like most couples I'm sure. I know our issues and my involvement has contributed to this in some way. I'm happy that she's honest enough to come to me.

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That meant the world. My choice is simple. Do I allow it and it makes us stronger but not without the risk of divorce? Do I put my foot down and say no. Then she could do it anyway and not tell me? Or some combination? My gut says set her free. She'll come back stronger. People should be who they want to be in life. I'm here searching for advice as to both our emotional state of minds.

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I've encouraged her to go back to work. Take-up a hobby, Put our son in daycare more days to have more time for herself. She's bottled-up, caged-in and anxious. I need to find a way to help her before she does this Everybody gets old.

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Everybody has desire to do this stuff here and there. Perhaps there's a combination of me helping her and she helping herself. We're looking for a shrink now to get outside help BTW, her first hubby cheated on her with her best friend. I met her while cheating on my wife. I've cheated on my first wife four times. I've also been way guilty of questionable actions but never crossed the line.

Nor did I really want to I guess I have it coming :- I should examine why I did what I did. But this is different, because she's being open and not running around behind my back. Sounds bad I know. But I felt we both learned from our first failed marriages and we made a promise not to cheat on each other six years ago. Well, here we are, and she's popped the question.

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And this could just be a case of needing an open relationship of sorts. While I'm open. I'm also scared of what I might feel before, during and afterwards. But if I remain open and come around to a new way of thinking, perhaps, we'll be happier than ever.

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And that is music to my ears. She said she may get on this thread to put it in her words. That will be interesting to have both perspectives if that happens. Spanx: Welcome Have you read "Coping with infidelity: How do affairs begin? That may be a good starting point for you both to talk about. She is spending time away from you at clubs and getting attention. Sleeping with someone else will not turn back the clock for her but will cause problems for you both IMHO.

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Taking the EN questionnaire together would identify a host of needs listed in your post. Do harm to none.

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William Shakespear Married 27 yrs. Quote: The sex with a stranger has to be some deep-rooted need that's going unmet. How could that be? For example if I have hunger for food, I may be hungry for french toast, but if oatmeal is all I have, I can eat that and it will satisfy my need. I may have wanted french toast, but I don't think anyone would call that a need. Can you tell I'm dieting Your W is very fortunate to have such an understanding husband, but you know you will regret this if you allow it.

Brainstorm with her how you can meet her need for SF within your marriage.